You’ve been trying to discover the secret to finding the perfect relationship forever.

Well, after (do we really say a number or lie?) so many failed relationships, glorious nights that went nowhere, alleys, truck beds (she’s country), and a nearly 20 year marriage, me too. ME TOO-unhhhh! So where is the relationship advice we need?

Let’s face it, you didn’t get any gay advice from our parents or friends when you were a teenager. You probably didn’t get any experience either. And if you did, tell me all about it. Seriously.

Our relationship advice was limited to heteronormative clinical jargon from a nervous parent. I actually got a book with robots. Because I liked to read. Yellow cartoon robots were given a very clearly defined gender, sexuality, and purpose. Huge robot penises and cavernous robot vaginas. They made little robots. Mechanically.

Do you remember the locker rooms? The guys would talk and the other boys seemed to understand and we laughed nervously and tried not to keep staring at jawlines or a stealing a sideways glance before they put on their underwear. And while they put on their underwear. And jeans. I have some specific memories I’ll never lose.

So your parents taught you nothing about gay relationships. Your relationship with your father was probably strained for fear of him discovering what you were starting to discover. And your friends were just as lost as you were but straight. Well, fuck me, right?

So even our first relationships with our parents and our friends didn’t set us up for relationship success.

On My Own Pretending He’s Beside me

Then you get your first kiss or blowjob from another guy and you can’t deny it any more. Robert kissed me on the bus in front of everyone in junior high. He was in high school. I was getting teased about being-gayer-than anyone else.

He came over and rescued me. He kissed me on the cheek. I’ll never forget the stubble on his face. His curly black hair. And his blue eyes. I had a Knight! And I was so fucking confused.

Remember when you first realized that you liked a guy and it was like all those other guys were talking about girls and NOW WHAT?! Then your mind races. Is he straight? Am I straight?

Why am I feeling excited, thrilled, lifted, and without words for sexually attracted and horny? If only there’d been a hormone monster like on Big Mouth. Where was our Maury?

Freedom (And Still No Relationship Advice)

Then you go to college and you turn into the type of person everyone warned you about. Guilt and shame set in. You choose partners, you get laid, you make mistakes. It’s all a blur.

And there was no relationship advice here. It was all trial and error and “you’re so cute together.” The girls told us nothing about other boys. I suppose that was a good thing. They didn’t have to worry about tops, bottoms, or verses. Those young women didn’t need to know about otters, bears, and twinks. They didn’t have the emotional trauma that we have from being left out on our own to discover that guys suck.

Why do they suck? Because we’re all going through this horrible emotional trauma that we’re less than other men. That we’ll never be loved. And for a generation of us, that being gay would literally KILL us.

I stayed with my first boyfriend, Sean, for too long. We weren’t mean to be together. But we grew together. We experienced together. And eventually we grew tired of each other. So we ended it.

And then we were back in the gay dating abyss.

Out of the Gay Dating Abyss

I think, what we both will realize, is that we’ll never find perfection. But we can find what works, work at that, and strive for perfection.

Ever since the first Tarot reader discovered the archetypes in a deck of cards could provide insight into our lives, people like you have come to people like me to receive relationship advice and learn more about their relationships. I don’t blame you. Who wouldn’t want to look into a magic oracle and solve all the things?

The experience of another person knowing what you’re going through is powerful. Especially when they are in tune with facts that you never shared. To experience the ability to know without knowing is magical. That draws you in and provides legitimacy to the reading.

I’d like to share with you why I use Tarot, what a Tarot reading is, and how Tarot readings work from my perspective. I think that providing this foundation will support your understanding of why Tarot can be so helpful to someone who is working through different stages of a relationship (like we all do). Whether that relationship is romantic, an ongoing fuck buddy, friends, or professional, all relationships have a human element.

Why I Use Tarot for Relationship Advice

I started using Tarot as game. Then, like most teenagers, I also realized the potential the Tarot had to bring clarity to who liked me or who didn’t and why.  And by liked me, I mean, LIKED me. ‘Cause we might want to go together. [Insert yes/no/maybe checkbox memory here…]

As you mature though, you learn that the relationships surrounding you aren’t just romantic. You have work relationships.You have spiritual relationships.

Pro tip: you can use tarot for understanding all of them. Let the Inspiration hit. Yes, tarot is a powerful system that provides insight into your relationships that either confirms your suspicions or offers insight into people and yourself in a way that you couldn’t come to on your own.

What is a Tarot Reading?

So let’s back up for a second. What is this reading I speak of? Let me clarify so you have a base for context.

A Tarot reading with me consists of a question from you and me shuffling the cards from a Tarot deck. Then I choose a spread that is relevant to your question. And as I lay out the cards we begin a discussion.

We’ll talk about how they reveal the current situation and the action items you can take to achieving your goals, and then I follow up to see how you’re doing with your action items.

How Does Tarot Work?

Tarot works because you and I think it does. Tarot works through practice and skill. So just how does Tarot actually work?

A Tarot reading is a conversation between you and I and how I interpret the symbols on a deck of cards. We work together to understand your question. I layout cards in a spread and interpret their symbolism.

Then we have a discussion about how to reach your desired outcome. Yes. It’s that simple. All the hard work is on my side during the reading. Then the hard work begins for you. You’ll go through periods of self reflection and personal awareness. Then you get to work.

I study, meditate, blog, practice, seek mastermind groups, discuss ideas and best practices with peers, and invest in my practice so you can have the best experience. I want you to leave your reading feeling like I understood you. Like I heard you. And that you have some homework in actionable items to be ready for the right man for you.

Every reading about a relationship is full of relationship advice. But what will you do? Getting a reading is not a passive experience. It’s all big strong top energy here. If you want to start creating the life you’ve always wanted and have the relationship of your dreams, you have to work for it. “And right here is where you start payin’!” (~Debbie Allen, Fame)

For me, Tarot works because we’re working together. Not because I “saw” that you were going to have a relationship in a few months. No. We’re going to talk about how you can manifest that relationship for yourself.