What’s My Identity?

I’m a Taurus.

Does that tell you who I am? I’m a Taurus sun, Leo rising, and an Aries moon. I’m a Tarot reader husband, and ferret rescuer/dad. Does that help you know me better?

Do I know what all that astrology stuff means?  Sure. A book told me that all Tauruses are stubborn people who love to eat (who doesn’t?). They’re great lovers (I’ll take that). They’re prone to lose their voice when sick (this happens to my twin sister, not me). They melt when their necks are kissed (mind your business). And they’re full of patience until you cross the invisible line (I have no patience).

When I tell people I’m a Taurus they get a knowing look in their eye. Or they say, “I knew it!” (did you do it?) Because they identify me with a laundry list of traits that means, “Taurus.”

We get stuck in Sun signs and use the crutch that our sun sign is “just who we are.” No! It’s representative of who we are but does not accurately portray who we can be.

Side note (take this with a grain of salt, I’m not an astrology student) – you have to account for all the planetary influences at any given point in time when you’re confirming identity by planets.  Picking and choosing which astrological point that fits you best is like choosing a passage from the bible and declaring it to be truth when there are contradictions to be discussed.

You shape your identity for your entire life.  Just like your hair never stops growing, you never stop shaping your identity.

Start to Shape Your Identity Today

Something you can focus on today to really start thinking through how your personality identifies you is to think about what’s serving you. Where are those moments where you found yourself successful? And alternatively where were those moments where you found yourself unsuccessful?

The goal here is to focus on those moments where you found yourself successful. What was it you were doing? Can you repeat what you were doing?

If you can start to repeat the actions and behaviors that allow you to be successful, then you can practice over and again those positive behaviors. What should happen is that you bolster those parts of your personality that allow you to be successful. And all of the bad shit just falls away.

If you’re not sure what those behaviors or actions are, that’s a great time to think about getting a tarot reading. (This may also be a good time just to follow along in this whole self improvement series.) A Tarot reading at this point in your life can help you determine all of those positive behaviors. Especially if you’re having trouble identifying them. We can do a reading together to help you figure out what those behaviors are that you want to continue or those behaviors that you want to stop.

Ask yourself (or your Tarot reader) questions like, what are the behaviors that make me successful? What are the behaviors that keep me from being successful? What are the actions I [repeatedly] take that help me best achieve my goals? We’re trying to get at the repeatable behaviors that can help you be successful. (this is different than asking what are the actions I can take that will help me best achieve my goal.)

If You Don’t Choose to Change, Change Will Never Happen.

The hardest lesson to learn is that you have to take control of your life. It’s easy to sit back and wait for good things to happen to us. But what we don’t think about is that the success we see in others took years of hard work to realize. Professional athletes didn’t become professional athletes overnight. They started playing Little League. Then they moved on to junior high. They moved on to high school. Then they moved on the college. Then they got drafted. That’s years and years and years of practice.

Here’s the good news. You had just as much time to practice. The question is did you practice good behavior that would support you in achieving your goals? Or did you practice shitty behavior that’s going to keep you from being successful? Depending on your answer to that question what you choose to do next is what changes the rest of your life.

So what are you going to do next?

Saying “I am…” Will Feel Uncomfortable.

It’s Time for You to Come Out

One of the hardest things that you can do in life is to stand up in front of family, friends, and strangers and say “I am…” You hear a lot of stories about people in the LGBTQ community coming out. What I think you may not realize is that you have a coming out story whether your LGBTQ or not. There is a point in your life where you stood in front of people and said “I am…”

What I want to know is, were you honest?

Vocalizing your identity is uncomfortable. It’s like writing with your nondominant hand. It’s raw. It’s messy. It puts you in a state of vulnerability that you may never have experienced before. What’s cool about that is that it is the choice to be. It is the point of changing your life. It is calling into existence that which must be and who you are.

It is your coming out. It is scary. It is affirming. It is life-changing. And that always comes with risk.

Coming Out is Daily if not Hourly

The first risk is realizing that when you do come out, it never stops. You will be coming out daily if not hourly. Your first “I am…” will not be the last.

This is actually really important. It builds up your resilience. It builds up your identity. It shapes and realizes your personality in front of your world. Eventually, your confidence will be stronger than it was before. I’ll never say your confidence becomes 100%. Because it doesn’t for everyone. But it does get better.

Everyone is Staring at You

You’re going to screw up the most basic shit when you start to change your life. As you put on the clothes (so to speak) of this new identity you’re going to forget how to exist in the world. It’s going to be a mis-sized shirt, for example. The one you keep adjusting because it doesn’t fit well.

It’s going to feel like everyone is staring at you. They are. And that’s OK. Why? Because you’re growing and changing. And those around you who are stagnant are watching you to see what you’re going to do next.

People are Going to Make Fun of Me

Yup.  They are. So what?

The people who even think about making fun of you don’t have the balls to make the life changes that you’re making. They don’t have the energy to take themselves to the next step. They don’t have the strength right now to be greater than they were yesterday. They don’t have what you have.

What do they have? They have you as an icon. They have you as a model. They have you look up to. The only reason they could have to make fun of who you are becoming is the justification of their social position. That translates to trying to make themselves feel better. And who the fuck cares? Let them feel better. And say, “can I help?” or walk away.

People are Going to Stop Talking to Me

Well, yeah. But others are going to step up.

You know what’s interesting about changing who you are? The people who you need in your life will be drawn to you like a magnet. The people that you no longer need in your life will find their way to someone else. And in the end, isn’t that better for everybody?

People Never Truly Change

Why is there a self-help industry then? Everyone tries. The problem is making it stick.

Of course there’s going to be an argument out there that your personality is the same personality you’ve had since birth. I think that’s a load of crap. I have personally taken the time to advance who I want to be. And that means I am greater than I was yesterday. All you have to do is make the choice. The question you have to ask yourself is, who do I want to be?

I think people confuse talent with personality. Talent is an innate ability to be good at something. Skill is taking that talent to the next level. Our personality has nothing to do with talent and skill. Our personality is shaped by our conscious behavior and external stimulus.

The external stimulus causes us to express a behavior or choose to alter a behavior which then shapes our personality. So it’s not true that you never truly change. You change all the time. That’s how you get to You 3.0.

How do you know that you actually changed your personality? You need to define what success looks like. What does success look like?

1. write the end state down
2. goal it out
3. figure out the activities (behavior changes) to achieve the goal
4. Do them

Inspired?

If you’re feeling inspired and want to get started right now, do the success formula above. I’ve also got a free journal for you. It’ll get you going on your self improvement journey today. Yup, I’ll need your email. And don’t worry, I’m not going to spam you. You will most likely get a birthday gift though.

And bonus, if you sign up for mindfulness you’ll get some mindfulness in your inbox. Who wouldn’t want that?

Self Improvement is something that only happens when you’re ready. At your pace. With your focus. If you’ve decided that you’ve reached the point that you’re ready and focused, I can keep up with your pace.

Identity is Formed From Birth and Unchangeable

I disagree.

Your actions are a result of your choices

So let’s say that you make a choice to be a periscope broadcaster. You jump online. You start talking about whatever pops into your mind. And no one follows you. Then you realize that you should’ve done something different. Your next choice is going to determine how your behavior is shaped. So let’s say your next choice is that you’re going to provide content for people to see if they respond to that content.

Your choices create your behavior

Your choice to provide content instead of just talking to people is an alteration of behavior. Then you start to realize that choice resulted in a behavior that provided a positive outcome. The outcome being that more people interacted with you, they followed you, they returned. Now you’re going to do that behavior again. So your action of getting on periscope and your choice to improve your content has now created a behavior that you’re going to continue.

Your behaviors shape your identity

This repeated behavior is now a recognizable a part of your identity. It’s part of who you are. You can apply it to all aspects of your life. You are now entrepreneurial. You are now a beta tester. You are now in the business of experimenting. And that means you’re going to fail.

And the best part about failure is that you’re going to fail spectacularly. And the best part of that is that you’re going to do something better than you ever did before. And that will provide additional positive reinforcement. Which will again cause you to take different action. Which will then cause you to create new behavior. Which will then continue to shape and form and change your identity. You can’t help but be amazing.

Believing your past behavior is a result of your identity

One thing I think should be really clear. Your past behavior is not a result of your identity. In the example I just gave your past behavior is a result of your actions. So when you change your actions you change your behavior. When you change your behavior you shape and mold your identity. So all that crap of you are who you are and your behavior is a result of who you are is just that, crap! You get to be whoever you want to be. The only limitation is you.

Tarot Can Define Actions Based on Your Choices

If you’re getting in your own way I would recommend getting a Tarot reading. A Tarot reading can help you define actions based on the choices you’d like to make. Especially if you’re working with a reader who is able to provide insight on goals, actions, and outcomes.

Let’s say you have choice A and choice B. when you’re not sure which choice to make getting more information can help you decide which path you’d rather take. If you come to reader and ask a question like, “what’s the outcome of choosing choice A and what’s the outcome of choosing choice B?” You should end up with a pretty clear picture of which outcome is either the best of the two or the lesser of two evils.

Let’s say you decide to choose choice B. Your follow-up question should be something like, “what are the actions I need to take in order to make the outcome of choice B the most successful it could possibly be.” Now you have additional information that’s going to help you achieve that goal.

Tarot can confirm your past behaviors and identify new behaviors that can reshape your identity.

Let’s take that even a step further. Imagine that you know that you always get in your own way. This looks like you saying things like, “I always manage to mess everything up.” That’s a great opportunity for a follow up reading. You can find out, based on what it is that you want most between your choices, what it is that you think, feel, say, hold onto, and need to release.

Having a holistic view of how you approach achieving your goals will give you more insight into how you can be the most successful person you can be. You may also want to check out how to avoid New Year’s fail and what happens when you protect your toxic past.

Take the time to go on this self improvement journey with me. I think what you’re going to find is that you are stronger and more confident in yourself. To me, that ultimately leads to being happy. And who doesn’t want to be happy and more confident?

I expect that you’ll be prepared to deal with any situation in life that comes along.  Why? Because your purpose in life becomes clear. Whether or not the purpose is related to your passion, you’re on a journey of self discovery that ultimately leads to self improvement. For the time that we are alive on this planet our existence is devoted to bettering ourselves and the world around us.

If you would like to be striding through life beaming with confident happiness then you need to join me on this self-improvement journey.