Hey Daddy
I was eyeballed with a “Hey, Daddy” look. I know, I perfected it. I was walking down the street the other day, on my way to work, same route I always take.
But this day was different. I had a beard. My beard is primarily white with a darker mustache and soul patch. I also have a lot of silver hair at this point.
So I was less than a block away from my office building when a twenty-something man looked at me like, “Hey Daddy!” I was staring right back at him trying to discern if I was seeing what I thought I was seeing. I’ve never seen him before or since. But Daddy? Who me?
Gay Daddy Is Not An Age
So I reached out to my bestie expert in all things. “Am I a Daddy?” “Yes.” Apparently my face changed because he laughed at me. Why was this such a challenging experience for me?
If you’ve ever read Dancer From the Dance or been to any gay bar there are roles that we fulfill. You’re given a role almost as soon as you walk in the door. In the beginning I was immediately Chicken. Later I progressed to Twink. And eventually I was just a Guy-Next-Door average white dude.
We never get to chose these roles. They’re thrust upon us by a group of gays like gender. People assume we fit the role because of our outward appearance.
Now the roles we do get to choose tend to be in relationship to an individual rather than the collective. Roles like Sir/Puppy, Sub/Dom, or Top/Bottom. So how did I (seemingly) leap to gay Daddy? I mean, I was the twink chasing Daddies. After being daddy-objectified it feels like the world is out of alignment.
Daditude
My role had changed without me knowing. And I found out on the street from a stranger. I wasn’t even in a bar or any other kind of gay space.
Did a beard really project gay “Daddy?” Did the silver hair give the impression that I was everything I’d objectified about so many others? Had I accidentally created a Daddy package because of my age, job, and physical appearance? Did I have Daddy attitude?
There’s lowercase “d” daddy and capital “D” Daddy. It’s all attitude. There are 20 year old Daddies and 40-ish year old daddies And vice versa. So when you’re seen as one, but you’re not feeling it, what do you do? Or if you want to be seen as one and you don’t look like one, then what? And what responsibilities does the lowercase daddy entail over those of the capital Daddy?
Daddy Advice
I keep receiving advice that I should embrace my Daddy role. That I should accept that I’m a Daddy now. And lean into my Daddiness.
Let’s step back a moment. If I were looking for children I’d have them. If I wanted to be with someone younger, I wouldn’t have married my husband.
Gay Daddies have Daditude from the beginning and that gets developed. That’s just not me. I’ll take the sexy compliment. I’ll take Zaddy. But Daddy? Sorry son, keep on walking.
Sidenote: What About Zaddies?
Zaddies are the pop culture daddies. You know that picture of the sexy white haired Santa? He’s a Zaddy. They may have a way to go before being a Daddy and may be looking for their own Daddy. I have more zaddy than Daddy in me. (In my best Mae West: And I’m still hungry, oh!)
Daddies in the tarot
So I did a quick exploration of Daddies in a RWS based deck.
- Kings/Fathers – depending on the deck, the rest of the court could work here.
- Empress
- Emperor
- Lovers
- Chariot
- Strength
- Hanged Man
- Alchemy/Temperance
- Devil
- Sun
- World
Are you experiencing your own daddy or Daddy issues? Let me know in the comments below!