Queer FRiendships On The Rocks
My closest friend and I had a moment recently where I was called out for bad behavior. When I heard the tone in his voice, I knew I had done something that needed to be addressed. And the pain and guilt in my stomach was that I had disappointed someone who is important to me. What did we – what did I – have to correct and overcome – together?
So he shared with me a general series of events. Granted, it was a few weeks after the behavior and I had lost awareness of my actions and he had lost some specifics. I didn’t apologize for my behavior at the time. But I did acknowledge his feelings.
Later that day it dawned on me the behaviors that I had probably engaged in. So I reached out to acknowledge (that I was an asshole) what they were and that I would do better. And I also asked him to call me out on the exact behavior in the future, in the moment, so we can be aware together.
Queer FRiendships Take Time
It took some challenging moments and failures for us to get to this stage. And now that we’re here, we’re not planning on loosing it. I certainly don’t plan on it. So I’m actively working to meeting our shared expectations. As is he. Today we can have conversation that has ease because we want to be better for each other. We want to have sacred open space.
Maybe you’re personally looking for a connection in a world that has rejected you for everything that makes you special. Or maybe you’re looking for a husband-boyfriend-partner-whatever and you’re using looking for friends is a wishy-washy excuse. Or maybe you’ve fucked and a friendship was born that is way better than the horrible relationship you would have had.
Model Queer Friendships
Queer friendships exist in an arena that the examples you grew up with never explored. Girls couldn’t be friends with boys because society said they were slutty or too weak. Boys couldn’t be friends with girls because society said they couldn’t be trusted (not to rape them). But what about when your sexuality is developing? What about when you question your own gender or its expression?
When you find yourself exploring your sexuality or your gender you naturally look for community. You wonder, where are the others like me? So you know you’re not alone. You start to look for those queer people who have walked before you or are going through the same experience as you.
Even then those relationships are risky because we’re all pretty messed up in our own way. We’re all a little off. Especially as you try to discover who you are at a point in time.
That’s why the queer friendships that develop are all the more precious. Because they don’t come along that often. They are sought out. And they are agreed upon. Consent is a daily act.
Get out WhaT You Put In
When those friendships start to slide the first step should be communication. Just like my friend and I did. Talk to each other. Trust your friendship. Open the door to something and work through it together.
When you put in the time you’ll get more out of it than you ever could have imagined. Listen to each other and find the agreements. Look for the consent. And remember your disagreements are growing pains. Let them make you stronger.
If communication or the ideas above aren’t working then other methods might need to be employed. Think through the best action to take if you’re not ready to communicate. That’s a great time to get yourself to a tarot reader to consider your next steps and the outcomes of your choice.