I was in a group of other queer business owners at the end of April and one of the members very thoughtfully asked how the queer community is going to reconnect as restrictions are lifted from COVID-19. And I think this is going to be extremely challenging. We’re already disproportionally affected.
I think about how many of our queer spaces may no longer be around in a month’s time. Those that might not weather the economic crisis. Those spaces that provide safety, security, and family.
Clubs and bars that have no patrons because there is no night life may shutter their doors. Community centers that have to pivot services because their locations are empty and their donors become conservative rather than generous. Saunas and bathhouses (that provide space for those who are looking for a sexual freedom that heteronormativity doesn’t provide) are feared to be breeding grounds for a virus, again.
I don’t think I have an answer to how we’ll reconnect. And this post is more of a posit of where we are, where we’ve been, and considerations of how we can prepare for reconnection as social restrictions are lifted. In the meantime, we need each other now more than ever. So keep finding those moments where you can reach out.
Vaseline Alley
When I was coming out I went down to “Vaseline Alley” in Portland, OR. It was a street full of gay bars, bathhouses, and clubs. There were run down hotels you could rent rooms by the hour or get a great greasy breakfast bar at 4am to take care of hangovers and coming down. This was community.
Vaseline Alley was full of gay business owners and community leaders. Professionals and those in the service industry mingled and looked for each other. We reached out for family and love.
We went because we sought out connection. We were eliminating loneliness. We were finding role models and advice. We were in a safe place where the horrors of the outside world couldn’t touch us.
All the while a virus raged in the shadows. Then organizations like ACT UP brought it into the light. Activists honored those PWA who we loved and lost. And they fought for those who were living and needed a voice.
Vaseline Alley touched us. Community sheltered us. And relationships saved us.
Vaseline Alley doesn’t exist anymore. I’ve been back to that part of town in recent years and the bars are gone or spread about. And the people have changed.
The seedy hotels have been rehabbed. Kitsch shops have opened. And the premier leather store in the PNW, Spartacus, closed for good.
Queerness was our home. We found security and safety and sanctuary. Queerness brought us together and developed long lasting relationships.
Online Queer Space – Apps To The Rescue?
COVID-19 is threatening to dismantle everything we’ve built. But it’s happened before. Just like a secondary condition threatens people contracting COVID-19 with death, it also threatens the queer way of life.
But what could that even mean for us? To be forced to see ourselves in a new light. To recognize that we’ve created space that so many feel comfortable in? Or have we really been so displaced because of the comfort we’ve created that we’re to blame for our own separateness?
Online queer spaces like Facebook groups provide distanced connection with faceless people who share our otherness. And still further distance us from developing strong relationships. If someone leaves the group do you even know? And for that matter, do you care?
Hook up apps like Scruff and Grindr create a space that embolden the shy and exacerbate the predatory and best and even worst parts of ourselves. We’re connected like never before and yet so disingenuous in our relationships because we can block someone at a moments notice.
Hope For The Queer Community
I have hope. I hope to maintain online space without immediately blocking those I disagree with. But I hope to do that with more one to one and in person relationships.
I have hope that those relationships will lead to opportunities to build on in person when we’re able to safely touch each other again. For a community that begins on the edge of isolation and thrives when we come together, I hope we find ways to be together in person soon.
For the elders in the queer community who recognize that there are no organizations fighting for our safety and security unless it fills their pockets – we need your guidance. To the youth who are seeking community and something greater than the experience of connecting virtually and being behind an avatar that could be shattered in real life – we need your desires. To those in the in-between – we need your ability to draw conclusions and find a way forward.