In the late 90’s I was in the longest of all the gay relationships I had ever been in. I also felt the most lost in it. I relied on Lelio to be my world. And that certainly wasn’t a healthy relationship. It was a co-dependent one.
I was in school and we were playing house. I was so scared of losing him I panicked if I did something to upset him and immediately apologized and changed my behavior. But was I changing the right behaviors? In hindsight, I was not.
I had no clue as to my sense of self while in this relationship with Lelio. He was the relationship. I didn’t allow any space between us to be my own person. So I never knew how things were going with us because I didn’t know how things were going with me!
“We are in relationship to each other. Our relationship is the space between.”
~Jeff, Chicago
We were doomed from the beginning. I didn’t come to the relationship (or any of my previous gay relationships) as an equal partner. I was looking for stability I couldn’t give myself. And ultimately I was a contributor to even more of my own instability.
I’m Not Sure How Things Are Going
One of the questions I get most as a tarot reader is about being in gay relationships. It usually sounds something like a statement rather than a question though. For example, <Sitter mentions something about a change in or entering a new relationship> “I’m not sure how things are or where they’re going between us.” Whether they’re romantic, familial, or professional, the relationships in our lives are representative of how we navigate the world.
The change in your Gay relationshipS might be like:
- A lack of acceptance
- Starting a new relationship with one or many people
- Cheating
- An argument resulting from a misunderstanding
- Opening a gay relationship
- Shift in the polyamory dynamics or disregard for agreement
the question you might be implying by the statement above is
- How can I start talking to my sister/brother/mother/father again?
- Can you provide some clarity on how we feel about each other and what actions we’re taking?
- How can we strengthen our relationships as gay men?
- How can I be a better partner in our relationship?
- How can we maintain our relationships when it’s open?
- We’re adding a third, how will the dynamics shift and what do I need to be aware of to make this successful?
Gay RelationshipS Insights About The Other Person (Or People) In a Reading
When navigating these gay relationship issues, your focus on yourself and what you can control is important. The information you receive about the other person or people in your relationship is never primary source data. It’s like a glimpse through a window.
That glimpse will show you patterns of behavior. You may recognize them or you may start to notice them now that you’re more aware of them. And those behaviors are the other person’s response to their environment.
Their behavior is something completely out of your control. What is in your control is how you respond.
Space For The Reading About Yourself
The part of the reading where you hear more about yourself is more important than what you might hear about the other person or people. It will sometimes be the hardest to hear. And sometimes it will be a relief.
These revelatory moments provide such an important opportunity to reflect on yourself. Moments like these allow you to observe your behaviors in relationship to another. And that’s a critical point for you and your gay relationships. It means that you now have a choice.
But what happens next is the most valuable. If the magic in me sparks the magic in you, then the action you take is where strength is found. So when you receive the information from your reading will you activate?
Being In a Gay RelationshipS
After you have a relationship reading and understand more about gay relationship dynamics the next part is up to you. Give yourself space to live life between the reading you just had and your consideration of another reading. Give your reading and your relationship room to interact with each other and see how things change.
You might find you want to take some deliberate action that came out of the reading. Do it. Especially if it is meant to transform your gay relationships in the direction you’d like them to go.
Ultimately, successful gay relationships have at least two self-aware gay men. Whether it started as a Grindr or Scruff relationship doesn’t matter. When you choose to develop your gay relationships, you’re forging your own path. And with limited gay role models, sometimes exploring your next steps through tarot can be the eye-opening experience you’re looking for.
My Favorite Relationship Reading
When you’re looking for relationship insights that allow you to better understand yourself in a relationship with another person your intimate behaviors can be the most telling. These are the behaviors that need space. They require the space between human beings to develop a relationship that will be.
I use a spread that represents all parties in a relationship. The following layout would have cards placed for each person vertically. The layout includes cards for:
Client
- the head (what you’re thinking)
- the mouth (what you’re saying)
- the heart (what you’re feeling)
- the groin (what you want or desire most)
Relationship to Client
- the head (what they’re thinking)
- the mouth (what they’re saying)
- the heart (what they’re feeling)
- the groin (what they want or desire most)
Vertically, I’m looking for alignment in how you’re engaged in the relationship. And for gay relationships, I don’t think we look this deeply at these things. For example, does your thinking line up with what you’re saying? Or does what you want most from the relationship match what you’re telling others? Including speaking to your partner.
Horizontally, I’m looking to see if you and the other people in this reading are thinking along the same lines. If your feelings and desires match or are supportive of each other might stand out. And communication style always appears.
