When you show up for each other you put aside your needs to make your partner happy. That doesn’t mean that you don’t ever get your needs meet. But for the moment, you’re sacrificing for your husband – boyfriend – partner – whatever.
What Not To Do
Here’s a quick example of what irresponsibility (or not showing up) in your relationship looks like. My first husband – this was well before gay men could get married, we just called each other husband. My first husband had a great job, owned a rental, and was ready to buy another property when we started dating. He had it all together. Jackpot!
We moved in together (on Gay St. really). And then the spiral into heavy drinking began. He was struggling at work. Then a new job. Then working late. He was verbally abusive. Then physically abusive. Something within him was tearing him apart. And the abuse began tearing me apart. He wasn’t showing up for me. And worse, he wasn’t showing up for himself.
Do This Instead
My second (and legal) husband has been completely different. When I was struggling to find work after graduate school, he told me to take my time. That we could survive on his income while I temped and looked for a job.
When he went back to school, I helped with homework and picked up more around the house. We gave up our needs for each other’s success.
6 Ways To Be Responsible In Your Relationship
So I wondered how tarot would approach this situation. How could you have a more responsible relationship? What would have you showing up for your husband as Steve and I did?
For this pull, I used the Son Tarot by Chris Butler. I drew the Mystic, the 2 Wands, and the Ace Wands. And the sexual energy was intense!
So two and three go together, but they are different approaches so I separated them here.
- Take time to know yourself
- Understand and…
- Invest in what you and your partner think about, how you talk about, what you feel about, and what you want most, sexually
- Be passionate
- Be bold
- Be creative
Taking time to know yourself is showing up. It’s about bringing the best version of yourself to your relationship. The stronger you are as a person, the stronger you can be for your husband – partner – boyfriend – whatever.
Listen. Queer people are the most open people about our sexuality. If you weren’t you’d never find the little spoon to your big spoon. When you’re not bound by heteronormativity then the rules are out the window. So you have to talk about your needs and wants.
And in a long-term partnership, that extends beyond laying out who’s the top. Now you’re expressing how you feel when he holds your hands behind your back. Or if you need to try something new. Like a third.
Ultimately, the truer you are to yourself, the more responsible you are in your relationship. That kind of honesty is rare. And yet, it’s more powerful than I think you know.
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